I know what you're thinking: it's the Friday before Christmas, we're up to our eyes in mincemeat and giblets; we nearly lost an eye curling ribbons; every penny of this month's wages has been spent on Cheeselets and half-dead poinsettias, and THAT GIRL from Domestic Sluttery is still trying to convince us that buying more stuff is a good idea. (Quite a long thought, wasn't it? If you could condense it next time; I don't have an infinite wordcount, you know.)
Well, yes. Yes I am. But since I've jazzily (and tenuously) themed this week's round-up 'Absolutely Essential Bargain Stuff To Help You Keep All Your New Year's Resolutions' (working title), I trust you'll shush and read on. And what could be better than a treat in the post at the beginning of the year? Nothing.
(and the bargains to buy to MAKE THEM HAPPEN)
(and the bargains to buy to MAKE THEM HAPPEN)
TO BE A BETTER COOK
|Seasonal Specialities apron, £16.95 (was £28) , Anthropologie|
WELL! We can certainly help you with that resolution: browse our delicious archives for inspiration. If we can do it, so can you. But you'll need to look the part if you want to be a truly great cook*. This pinny from Anthropologie is SO NICE I want it to be a dress. POCKETS! Handy for storing your meat cleaver, or the burned bits of food you pick off right before serving.
* Not strictly true, but it sure does help give you an air of "Yeah, I am just like Rachel Khoo, actually. I cook everything on a single gas hob and my only piece of kitchen equipment is this vintage enamel colander that I picked up one day in the marché aux puces. Yeah, I am thinking of opening my home as an exclusive restaurant, since you ask. Cordon bleu, nouvelle cuisine, la plume de ma tante est près de la chaise de ma tante AS WELL YOU KNOW, now where's my Mac lipstick? Et voilà. BOF."
TO GIVE UP SMOKING AND EAT MORE HEALTHILY
|Full English Tectonic Plate by The New English, £45.50 (was £60), Fab|
You'll remember that Sian wrote about this plate a while ago, while lamenting its £60 price tag. WELL LOOK SIAN, IT'S REDUCED! Admittedly, £45.50 is still a lot to pay for a plate, BUT it will help those of you wishing to give up smoking and eat more healthily. Either that, or it will bring on fag and fried breakfast cravings so immense that you will actually WALK all the way to Dundee to throttle me with your bare hands for suggesting such a madcap solution to your resolution woes. Still, at least you'll have had the benefit of a long walk. Especially if you live in Cornwall. I'll be dead, but hey, one must suffer for their art.
TO TRAVEL MORE
|May 28th map watch, £15 (was £25), ASOS|
You'll need a map and a watch for that. This May 28th watch from ASOS should do it. Admittedly, the map is of Westminster, but hey, it's all travelling. I just travelled from the kitchen to my bed. I am an international explorer.
TO TAKE MORE EXERCISE
|Superga House of Holland polka dot plimsolls, £42 (was £70), ASOS|
Now, now, don't be silly. Wear these House of Holland-designed Superga sneakers instead, and occasionally pretend to be a bit out of breath. That's all Jessica Ennis does.
TO ALWAYS WEAR MATCHING UNDERWEAR IN CASE YOU'RE HIT BY A BUS
|Princesse Tam Tam Goddess Yellow set, £42 (was £60.60), ASOS|
An extremely wise resolution. Clearly you were a Girl Guide. BE PREPARED. As someone who has had the misfortune to be hit by a car, I can confirm that a hospital will not turn you away for not wearing matching underwear, but I'm pretty sure I'd have been given a free Bupa upgrade had I been wearing this set by Princesse Tam Tam. And what better way to cheer up January than wearing yellow pants?
Try not to be hit by a bus, people. SPLINK!
TO GET A CAT
|Tomasina cat ballerina pumps, £13 (was £26), Accessorize|
Hmm. I'm not Battersea, you know. Much as I'd love Sluttery Sales Spy to become a cat adoption listings service, some dog lovers might complain. But look here! You can get two cats for the bargain price of £13, courtesy of these Tomasina ballerina pumps from Accessorize. They're extremely rare Domestic Shorthaired Leopards, and they love you so much their noses have turned into tiny feline hearts. MIAOW.
TO GET MORE SLEEP
|DKNY jersey pyjamas, £48.80 (was £61), Debenhams|
I am a firm believer in buying a new pair of PJs for Christmas Day, and another new pair to start the new year in slumberific style. DECADENCE. This grey jersey set by DKNY is oh-so-chic, obscenely soft and snuggly, and smart enough to answer the door to the postman in (that time I greeted the postie in my 22-year-old Jelly Babies nightie was a low nightwear moment for me).
TO WEAR MORE SEQUINS
|Club L sequin skater dress, £45 (was £69), ASOS|
Ah, the perpetual resolution. Men and women the world over vow to sparklify their lives, and then come Easter, they're back in their boring old clothes, painting the town DULL. This year, make a difference. Wear this Club L sequinned dress, and do everyone a favour.
IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Assuming some of you are as disorganised as me, I have been investigating last-minute Christmas ordering times. You thought you'd missed your chance, didn't you? WRONG:
- Order by 2pm on Sunday, 23rd and select next/nominated day delivery at ASOS.
- Order by midnight on Sunday for next day delivery at Oasis, or order by 3pm on Christmas Eve for 90-minute delivery. LIFESAVERS.
- Order by 5pm today at House of Fraser and collect your items in-store before Christmas.
- Order by 7pm tonight at John Lewis and select next day delivery.
- Order by 4pm today for express Topshop delivery, or order by noon on Sunday to collect from your nearest store.
- Order from Amazon by 9.30am on Christmas Eve for evening delivery in selected cities. And remember you can buy a gift certificate on Christmas Day if, say, you forgot you had a brother.
Most of these stores are offering similar delivery services between Christmas and New Year, so if you're in urgent need of a new party frock but can't face wrenching yourself away from the sofa, all is not lost!
Your faithful sales correspondent is buggering off to Spain for the holidays, but I'll be back on January 8th for a special Tuesday Edition of Sluttery Sales Spy (I couldn't possibly leave you waiting until Friday when the January sales are in full swing!) While I'm away, keep your eyes peeled for New Year mega-bargains. We've heard rumblings already of amazing bargains at Rigby & Peller, 70% off at Selfridges from Christmas Day, and the Amazon Boxing Day Deals Week. ASOS, Oasis and Anthropologie are already in the midst of half-price sales, with the promise of more amazing deals between Christmas and New Year.
Merry Christmas and Happy (New Year) Sales Shopping, everyone!