FOODIES! I have important and urgent news to impart.
I've noticed Uncle Roy's Comestible Concoctions in delis and posh foodie shops before - who could fail to notice this beautiful Flowers of Scotland seasoning rub, jam-packed with edible petals and herbs? - but, despite making a living writing some of the internet, it had never occurred to me to check out their website. UNTIL NOW. My mind has officially been BLOWN by the sheer choice of unusual comestible concoctions the aforementioned Uncle Roy has to offer. Browsing the site, it seems like almost everything has won a Great Taste Award - they've managed to pick up a whopping 26 of those since 2001 - and even more impressive is that fact that the prices are very bank manager-friendly.
I've got a jar of this Chocolate Chilli mustard, £2.95, and before you start scrunching up your bonnie wee face and shrieking, I can vouch for its deliciousness. If chocolate isn't floating your boat, there's a whole host of other speciality mustards for you to salivate over.
If you like the flavour of mustard, but not the heat, you're in good company - Roy started making mellow Moffat mustards thanks to his hatred of English mustard, and that's how Comestible Concoctions began. I am dying to try this Earl Grey version, £2.85.
Fudgetastic sauces! Scrape me off the floor and fill my face with fudge, please. With seven flavours to choose from, whether you're a cherry chocolate sort of gal, or a butterscotch and whisky connoisseur, there's a sauce for you! They're just £4.49, and taste great drizzled over ice cream, scooped on to meringues and profiteroles, or simply eaten straight from the jar (spoon optional).
Bakers and confectioners will have a field day exploring Uncle Roy's range of Eat Me! edible flowers. I've been looking everywhere for sugared violet petals to use on chocolates, and here they are for just £4.95.
Obviously brown sauce is the best accompaniment to haggis, closely followed by whisky sauce. HOWEVER, I'm willing to give this special haggis sauce a try in the name of research. Made with redcurrants, whisky, and horseradish, it sounds like an winning combination of flavours. And at £2.95, can I say no? No.
I'm guessing our resident gourmet and whisky drinker Hazel will adore this jar of smoky whisky salt, £2.65. Use the gourmet salts range to marinade or garnish fish, meat and vegetables, or sprinkle over salads for a little extra zing. Apparently some people use the Scottish purple heather salt in their morning porridge. These people are clearly either braver, more patriotic, or simply more bonkers than me.
These natural extracts and essences are what I'm most excited about. There are 90 different flavours! NINETY. Nine-oh. If you can think of it, it's there. And yes, there is a gin one. They're all £2.75 for a generous bottle with, crucially, a nice long shelf life. I'm a convert to these extracts - my collection is growing bigger by the day. Favourites so far include melon, fig, pomegranate, and woodsmoke.
Hurrah! I've managed to get to the end of this post without mistakenly typing Combustible Concoctions! They're for another day...