Friday, 15 March 2013

Sluttery Sales Spy: Darling, New Look & InstaWATCH



Bit of an inadvertent leopard print theme going on this week. ROAR, etc. And turquoise. Not sure what noise it makes, but possibly something akin to HOWABACHOOGA! Just a hunch. 

THE DRESSES

Sugarhill Boutique Foxy dress, £40 (was £58), Oliver Bonas
I'm not over foxes yet. These ones are particularly cute, aren't they? Although I do feel a bit sorry for the lone foxes in the pattern who don't have a playmate. Perhaps it's like some kind of vulpine speed dating event, and as you wear the dress, the foxes will move around and find each other. Or they'll start playing a foxy game of musical chairs. Won't that be a riot?

Florence dress, £30 (was £62), Jarlo
On paper, ruffles and lovehearts sound like they should be a disastrous Manic Pixie Dream Girl nightmare, but - BUT - the white collar and cuffs combo saves this Jarlo dress from being too twee. Phew. Bet you were worried it couldn't be saved. 

Marcia dress, £15 (was £59), Darling

Bet Lynchify yourself in this leopard print dress from Darling. 100-a-day ciggie habit and towering beehive not included in the price.

THE SHOES


Ravel Keegan platforms, £35 (was £69.99), New Look

TIP: don't wear these Ravel shoes with the above dress. That would be a Bet step too far. I'm sensing they're something the mighty Hilary Devey might wear, actually. You'll remember that I keep her in my handbag, along with Derren Brown, so just wait a minute while I ask her. 

Yes, she says these are exactly her sort of shoes, but could we all shut up, because she and Derren are busy devising some sort of new Dragon's Den mind control show, in which every single contestant is tricked into choosing Hilary's lousy offer, and she becomes even RICHER than before, and takes over the world.

I'm in.

Suede colour block platforms, £25.50 (was £85), ASOS

Your feet will look like ever-moving hazard warning tape wearing these. You know you shouldn't cross it, but if it's on the soles of your feet, you'll have no choice. You'll be in a perpetual state of breaking the rules, forever straying into dark, unknown, and possibly criminal territory. EXCITING. Also very handy if you accidentally find yourself on the set of Midsomer Murders.

Poetic Licence leopard brogues, £42.50 (was £84.99), New Look

This is my final bit of leopard print this week, I promise. But, oh! What magnificent leopard print it is. Straight out of the Victorian London School For Naughty Girls. I like.

THE ACCESSORIES

Kenneth Jay Lane snake ring, £48 (was £90), ASOS

Oh my. How gorgeous is this snake ring by Kenneth Jay Lane? He actually looks quite friendly now that he's done up in his finest blingery. I was going to make some sort of hiss-terical snake joke here, but following on from last week's owl caper, I checked myself before I wrecked myself.

Ashiana turquoise spike bracelet, £22 (was £36), ASOS

Spikes, by their very nature, are quite threatening. However, like snakes, they become instantly less scary when fashioned out of turquoise stone. This Ashiana bracelet from ASOS is stretchy, so if you have a very small, scrawny-necked dog, you could use it as a way prettier version of those terrifying spiky collars that pit bulls wear.*

* DO NOT DO THIS. Just wear it on your wrist, for heaven's sake. Stop being so preposterous. *RSPCA Face*

Coupon for InstaWATCH by May28th, £26 (was £29), Fab

I'm very excited about the InstaWATCH by May28th, currently on Fab. I've got no idea why WATCH is shoutily caps-locked, but clearly it's a timepiece after my own HEART. It's self-explanatory, really - choose your favourite Instagram snap and use it to create a custom May28th watch, with your choice of one of 14 strap colours. Let's all watch the handy tutorial:


So easy! Grab an InstaWATCH coupon from Fab (you've got three days before the sale ends), and you'll have two months to redeem it. Or, if your photography skills leave a lot to be desired, choose from these ready-made watches, featuring other people's pics. That's not half as fun, though. One thing: please don't use that Instagram of this morning's breakfast. Or last night's dinner. I will permit cute cats, though.

What's everyone been buying this week? 

4 comments:

  1. I want those pink and orange shoes RIGHT NOW. And I'd like to wear them with that heart ruffly collar dress.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yup, just bought two frocks. Not certain if this is a good or a bad thing...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh GOD. This post is the highlight of my week but so so bad for my bank balance. Tempted to just sign over 10% of my wages directly to Laura B and get her to post me stuff every Friday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Erm... this is an amazing business plan.

      Delete
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