Last week's Sales Spy ended up with everyone shagging Tiffany from Eastenders. Life sure is full of surprises, isn't it? It's a more sedate affair this week, although we might all end up falling out about pronunciation. SO ROCK AND ROLL.
|NW3 ric-rac smock dress, £29 (was £99), Hobbs|
Ah, so often I have succumbed to the siren call of a ric-rac trim, only to be disappointed. Less is more with this wavy ribbon, and Hobbs has got it spot-on with this NW3 smock dress. You don't need me to tell you to ALWAYS WEAR THE BELT.
But just in case: ALWAYS WEAR THE BELT.
|Oriental birdcage dress, £30 (was £40), Oasis|
Oasis continues to churn out the prettiest prints - this oriental birdcage dress is just so beautiful. Let's have a look at it up close:
Do you think the birds are concerned at all by the mutantically-large blossom threatening to swallow them whole at any moment?
|Yes-No collar boyfriend shirt, £25.50 (was £32), ASOS|
Now then, this is a very useful shirt for those days when you don't much feel like talking - simply answer everyone's questions by swivelling left or right. It might be problematic if you're being asked what your name is, say, or what you fancy for lunch, but I think you can get round that by simply spinning very fast, She-Ra style, so that the letters become an enigmatic blur. Add a twirly ribbon on a stick as a distraction, then spend the rest of the day being erroneously called Shonyenzz and having to eat newt's nose sushi instead of the cheese and pickle sandwich you really fancied. Oh well.
|Leopard-print silk blouse, £60 (was £120), Jaeger|
So it turns out I'm a bit of a Jaeger shopper now, doesn't it? I'm ever so taken with this leopard-print blouse with its lovely little scallop-edged collar and eye-popping colours. It's pure silk AS WELL. I know. Dead posh.
|Abstract sandals, £12 (was £22.99), New Look|
Nice work, New Look. These abstract sandals wouldn't look out of place in Hobbs or Anthropologie, where no doubt they'd be about £5,000. Instead, they're just £12.
|Swedish Hasbeens orange heart sandals, £80 (was £145), Urban Outfitters|
A warning for those of you who, like me, have a fondness for clunky shoes like these orange Swedish Hasbeens from Urban Outfitters: don't clog and drive, kids. Turns out having wood strapped to your feet makes carrying out Important Driver Duties difficult. Have you ever managed to simultaneously press down the clutch, brake and accelerator? I have. I found out why you're not supposed to.
|Heart elbow patch jumper, £17.50 (was £22), ASOS|
Oh yes. Yes please. I can't even begin to tell you how much I want lovehearts on my elbows. I very fond of the black and tan colourway, too, but I didn't like the way the model was posing like she was in some sort of white-jeaned Liz Hurleyesque deodorant/toothpaste/sanitary protection megamix advert. Shudder.
|Sundae sweater, £29 (was £42) Sugarhill Boutique|
Sweater-wearing during the summer months can be a bit of a minefield. We still need a little warmth sometimes - over-enthusiastic air conditioning has been sent to try us - but we don't want to look like we've forgotten it's summertime. Sugarhill Boutique know that the solution to this is to stick a bloody great big ice cream sundae on your jumper as a sort of "Yes, I DO KNOW it's sunny outside, thankyouverymuch" disclaimer. Choose between strawberry or chocolate sauce.
|Twit Twoo shopper, £39 (was £65), Irregular Choice|
Hands up who remembers the day of my ill-advised Northern-centric owl joke? Well, this little fella is the big brother of the clutch that inspired my hilarious quip. No strigine jokes for you today. I've learned my lesson. No doubt you'd be owling with laughter if there was one, though.
|Scallop-trim satchel, £17.50 (was £22), ASOS|
God, I can't get enough of scallop edges, can I? Here's a nice recipe for scallops, by the way. And this is a very lovely green bag from ASOS.
Segueing into this week's question: do you say scallop or scollop? Do you rhyme scone with cone or con? Are you an ENvelope or an ONvelope kinda gal? Do you stand on a balcony or a ballcony? Is suede swayed or swed? And are there any words you've spent your life just completely mispronouncing? I think I've already shared my Kylie Minohguew faux pas.