Monday, 4 November 2013

A Unicornucopia of Magical Delights!



Gasp! Ponays with horns! Is there a single person in the world who doesn't love unicorns? I doubt it. That spiralling horn, as well as healing the sick and making your dodgy tap water as fresh and drinkable as an alpine spring, can soften the hardest of hearts. Unicorns are MAGICAL. Cut them open - as if you could* - and they're filled with rainbows, glitter, holograms and cake. Let's counteract the ghouls and ghosties of the past week and celebrate these beautiful narwhals of the land. 

A good place to start our unicorn appreciation is this Hell Yeah unicorns print by Bristol-based JamBonBon. It's just £5 - including postage - so really you've got no excuse for this not to be hanging in your hallway by next week.


Got a cat? Well, whaddya know - now you can turn that cat into a unicorn! Some bright spark somewhere - probably Narnia - decided that what your feline friend needs in his/her life is an inflatable unicorn horn. Uh-huh - inflatable. Because nothing has ever gone wrong when sharp, scratchy claws meet a flimsy object filled with air, has it? Particularly when you're trying to wrestle a horn onto the claw-owner's head.

I've tried this out - of course I have - on the world's most docile cat, and even she was slightly unamused (alas there is no pictorial evidence). If you have a proper cat, perhaps wear gauntlets for the fitting. Or at least buy it the evil unicorn version. Good and bad models are both £8 from Urban Outfitters


Yep. Cats love it. Really. Remember, if you do end up shredded, you can call upon the powers of enchanted unicorn plasters to help you heal quickly. 


But maybe you don't want your cat to have all the unicorn glory. Perhaps you want to lounge around watching The X Factor or repeats of Midsomer Murders dressed as a mythical horned horse. If that's your calling, this unicorn kigu is the thing for you. It's £50 - choke - but it does have a fluffy mane and tail, so that's all right. 


Damn right I do. Enjoy a cup of tea with a side of unicorn-shaped cookies for optimum happiness. 


Sad news, before we all get too excited. These AMAZING Uni-corn corn-on-the-cob holders are a whopping £21.40. Unless you eat corn-on-the-cob very frequently, they may be a tad expensive. HOWEVER. I got some from Urban Outfitters just a few months ago, and they were much cheaper there, so keep your eyes peeled for them coming back into stock. 


It wouldn't be too much to wear these unicorn slippers and the unicorn kigu TOGETHER, would it? I mean, go big or go home, right? Oh wait. I would be at home already. At least those bad, jealous ponies can't find me there. I WON'T LET THEM HURT ME. 


I knew DS fave Janine Basil would be a sure-fire bet for unicorn accessories, and she doesn't disappoint. This unicorn hair clip is £12, and comes in pink or white. Both have sparkly hooves. We wouldn't expect anything less. 


Wise advice indeed, and something I try to adhere to on a daily basis. Get this magical tote for £9.59 from Tea Please on Etsy


I suppose Yumi could have gone all-out and made this dress multi-coloured and glittery, but instead they've made it a very wearable burgundy (there's also a navy version), with just a hint of magic provided by the unicorn print and embellished shoulders. It's £33 (down from £48 in the sale). Let's have a closer look:


It's almost as if they started out as horses, but the designer's pencil slipped around the head area. Maybe that's how unicorns were invented in the first place?


If you're serious about this unicorn malarkey, may I suggest investing in Raising Unicorns by Jessica S. Marquis? The cover promises a "step-by-step guide to starting and running a successful - and magical! - unicorn farm". You'll also be clued up on the principles of unicornomics. Coming to a university near you. Possibly.  


I will leave you now with this wonderful song. It'll be in your head all day. You're welcome.


* They're not actually real. So cutting them open would be difficult. Also, Santa doesn't exist either. Sorry!

9 comments:

  1. Kathy Lee-Rimmer4 November 2013 at 12:19

    Santa DOESN'T exist? What? WHAT?!!!! Are you MENTAL??!!!! *rocks gently in the corner....*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oi, Laura, spoiler alert! Santa still exists if you believe he does Kathy.

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  2. there there...pat pat..soothe soothe... here darling have a biscuit, have another... there there of COURSE he does....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh god, I love it all. I really want a fucking unicorn mug.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I WANT TO BE A UNICORN NOW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh love. You already are, in your own special Sparkly-hooved way.

      Delete
  5. Love the unicorn bag!

    ReplyDelete
  6. More unicorns!

    http://www.joythestore.com/lou-unicorn-intarsia-jumper

    ReplyDelete

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