Friday, 16 May 2014

Sluttery Sales Spy: Donna Wilson, Joy & Yumi



The sales called. They want your money. Said it was urgent. 

THE DRESSES

House print dress, £22.50 (was £45), Yumi
Life, I think, would be better if coloured houses were encouraged everywhere, not just by the sea. Yumi clearly agrees with me, and they have given their (tacit) blessing for this dress to be worn everywhere: city, countryside, mountain, forest, desert, swamp, jungle, Tesco, B&Q, Home Bargains, Wimpy, everywhere. Sensible town planners! Pesky neighbours! Unreasonable landlords! You can't defeat us. We are the Colourful Houses Gang, and we're coming for you. Possibly on rollerskates.

Louche Gwenna pinafore dress, £25 (was £49), Joy
Double-breasted and I don't get along - we have tried to thrash out our differences, but it's just not going to work. It's time for me to do the grown up thing and leave lovely dresses like this one to the women who can wear them without bursting into tears every time they look in a mirror. You're going to look super. I'm not envious at all. Nope. No. Leave me be. I'm fine.

THE JEWELLERY

Rock 'N Rose bitch ring, £14 (was £19), ASOS
This may be my favourite find of the year so far. I mean, come on, it's a bitch ring. Granted, it's probably not suitable for the office - although you could just type really fast and wave your hands about a lot when you're standing in the coffee area, and no-one will be able to read what it says. Don't do windmill arms when you're actually holding your coffee, though. That's a health and safety issue, guys.

New Moon mini gemstone necklace, £14 (was £17), Regal Rose
Regal Rose is having a brillo sale (not selling actual Brillo pads, sadly) at the mo. Sian's already bought a pair of fantastical ear weapons, and I'm about to buy an ombré lace crown (yes, it's as great as it sounds) for absolutely no reason whatsoever, other than the only reason anyone would want an ombré lace crown: to be an ombré lace queen. This gemstone triangle necklace is a many-splendoured thing, too. Oh, and that elbow harness you've been looking for is there as well.

THE BAGS

Nica satchel, £39.20 (was £49), Debenhams
Well, now: I don't need another yellow satchel in my life, but if I did, this Nica number would be a strong contender. You can put your swipey card of choice in that front pocket, and then you'll never have to fumble around looking for it ever again. You can simply wallop your bright yellow bag on the card reader and continue merrily with your day.

Leather clutch, £33.50 (was £45), ASOS
I don't really know what's going on here, but I do know that I like it. Pootle across to ASOS and have a look at the model shot for a sense of how marvellously absurd this silver leather clutch bag actually is. It's a space-age briefcase.

THE HOMEWARES

Jamie Oliver pasta maker, £29 (was £50), BrandAlley
Have you ever made your own fresh pasta? I have not, but if I had this cute wee pale blue pasta maker in my kitchen, I daresay I'd make it at least once a year every week. It also comes in bright red, to warn you of the danger of putting your fingers in the gaps.

Donna Wilson Owl & Pussycat cushion, £30 (was £60), John Lewis
Ah, I love this Donna Wilson cushion. But why's the boat not pea green? The owl and the pussycat didn't go to sea in a beautiful black boat with blue flags, did they? Because then the poem wouldn't have scanned or rhymed, although I suppose the addition of flags would have meant they could've brought along fags, bags, mags, and rags instead of all that honey. They could have also had a sha... Oh, do stop it.

How are you all, and have you bought anything nice this week? 

2 comments:

  1. I've been waiting for that elbow harness to hit the sales.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is this part of your 'trying to troll your boss with your outfits' plan?

      Delete

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